Re-create in 2026

It’s 6 days after the new year and I open my planner as I lay on the couch. 

I immediately shut it. 

What was initially a nice gift to myself, complete with butterflies and plants on the outside, is now a source of stress.  

The things that I have to do (my mind pings me, as I’m still in a buzz of anxiety, “things you get to do, Emily!”) are too much for me to comprehend. 

Even though it’s always my hope to have better handwriting, I’m guessing you can’t read my planner either. 

Here are the juicy notes scribbled on my agenda…

• Caroline’s b-day-call! 

• Survivor and speaker outreach 

• RT business 

• Shoe ship (trying to make a buck re-selling) 

• Newsletter writing (I’m doing it!!)

• Charlie Health groups 

• Documentation 

• Survey questions 

As I shut the pretty planner, hiding the chaos inside, my head spins thinking of all the unknowns of 2026. 

What am I even doing with this recreation therapy business?

Should I stay in NYC? 

Will I be Aunt Em “The Nanny?” 

Where can I take my story now? 

Before I can think too much about it all, I’m off the couch to play in some sapphic soccer pick up games for the first time this year. 

I’m on the field only briefly, stumbling to gain control of the ball.

I was always a goalie growing up, so I never had great footwork. 

Plus, it's a small indoor arena, where the ball bounces off the walls and back into play in split seconds. 

A couple minutes in though, I connect with my teammate on a pass that sets her up for a goal. 

I drop back to defend and before I know it someone's yelling, “time’s up, times up, next teams on!” 

While I was playing, my mind wasn’t on any future planning or current to-do’s. 

Even after, I was thinking about the people I talked to and how fun it was to just run around- enthralled in a game that doesn’t have to have a larger meaning for the grand scheme of my life.

In the in between of decisions, recreation reminds me that l don’t have to think too much about what I need to do. 

Often the beauty lies in the here and now-that flow state or “satisfying experience of being fully embodied into an activity” (Kelly and Freysinger, 1999, Chapter 2: Leisure, Play and Recreation). 

I guess I’ve been met with choices that weigh on me, like headphones ever so slightly pushing against my head, for a while now. 

I’m reminded of a note with doodles I made in college when I was unsure if I was making the “right” decision before I graduated.

^Every way, either way, leads a way, no way to stray. 

While this openness to anything that comes isn’t always easy, I know that, for me, it helps ease my nerves about the future and my current choices. 

To use my planner for de-stressing, and enjoy that “someway” my goals may lead me, I write down “soccer” now as a weekly to-do or thing I get to do. 

Maybe I’ll mix in one other hobby this year, suggestions anyone? What activities take you to that flow state, where you’re not thinking about tomorrow or yesterday? 

Music is another one for me… Here’s this playlist I made for my season of waiting for whatever happens to happen. What songs would you add to it?